Wherein our Heroes discuss cancelled plans, international relationships, the Impending Invasion Of Tasmania, and the inner workings of martial art movie fight scenes, a bit.
US President Barak Obama has cancelled a second consecutive Presidential visit to Australia on the grounds that he needs to ‘stay home’ and ‘do some stuff.’
It’s slowly becoming obvious that instead of owning up and admitting that the US doesn’t want to spend time with Australia any more, the relationship is going to die an agonising death of a thousand cancelled plans and unreturned phonecalls.
At what point should Australia accept the inevitable and start seeing other countries?
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Midnight
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So, Saturday, it’s always hard when you realise that a relationship is going nowhere; is it time Australia started putting itself out there on the international scene again? Or can we reignite our relationship with the US by expelling a few diplomats and threatening to invade Tasmania (don’t think for a minute that they don’t have it coming)? |
| Saturday | well to be fair – the entire Gulf is covered in oil at the moment and his economy is still threatening to go tits up again, he’s still managing two shitfight theatres of ‘war’ that he has bene gifted and the North Koreans have gone and arc’d up again… I think it’d be fair to say that Australia is the least of his worries. |
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Midnight
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Yeah yeah, but that’s my point. Australia just isn’t exciting anymore. When was the last time Hilary Clinton came here to try to talk us out of going Colonial on some tiny pacific island nation? Never! Look, it may be toxic, and no-one wants to see Australia labelled as ‘high maintenance’, but why don’t we at least pretend we’re trying to invent some crazy new weapon that can wipe every living thing off the face of the planet? I bet our dance card would be full after that! And we can point to Tony Abbot as an early prototype. |
| Saturday | but do we want our dance card full… can’t we just be left alone… we need space… stop crowding us… we’ve got your number, we’ll call if we need to. It’s not you, it’s us.
give NZ a buzz, they’d be delighted and we know they have nothing planned for this weekend. |
| Midnight | It’s easy to say that, man, and I get it. We want some time to figure out what we really want in an international relationship. And no-one can miss the fact that we’ve been flirting heavily with China, and before that it was Japan. |
| Saturday | well as a general rule the Asians are so less demanding than the Americans… and we cna laugh about all sorts of cultural misunderstandings… |
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Midnight
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Well… I don’t know about this… I’m no expert on Australasian affairs, as you well know, but I have watched a fair few Jet Li and Jackie Chan movies, and my impression is that Asia is much less demanding right up to the point where you’re losing fingers for putting milk and sugar in the ceremonial tea, or being invited to commit ritual suicide because you’re no good at waving swords and circling around while the Kung Fu Hero deals with all 30 of you one at a time. Actually, not to sidetrack, but why is it that Kung Fu bad guys never figure out that if 3 or 4 of them jumped the Hero at once, he’d be truly Phuket? |
| Saturday | becuase they like nothing better than a good queue |
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Midnight
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Funny, they like a good "cue" too. Or at least, the couple of times I played some Asian guys at the pool hall down on Ann St in the city, they did. They were all, "Aha ahahaha, it is good, you almost sunk one that time," and then it was "bam bam plonk bam" and I was mostly "So… that means I don’t get another turn, right? I mean, you kinda sunk all the balls, which doesn’t seem very fair," and they were like, "It is not to be concerned, we will play another game, but first how much money do you have in your bank account?" and I was like, "This time I will bring my A-Game," and they were like, "You have an A-Game?" and I was totally, "Anything’s possible"; but it turned out not everything is possible and there was much laughter and happiness, particularly since I had quite a lot of money in my bank account. |
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