The VoodooLogic Research And Development Team has been hard at work over the last few months, slaving on a project so top secret that the entire team was pre-emptively prosecuted for breach of contract before being allowed to sign the non-disclosure agreement.

The end-product of all of this terrified dedicated labour is a new and completely ground-breaking service called, “Ask VoodooLogic Anything.” [1]

Yes, that’s right, people — for the first time in the history of anything, VoodooLogic is throwing open its doors on 80 combined years of confusion and incompetence, and there is now way we are going to allow our utter ignorance of almost everything to get in the way of providing the answers you least expect!

To celebrate this Profusion Of Confusion [2], we are going to kick off our inaugural segment with the following question, sent in by D. Saturday.

How was your weekend?

Gripping stuff, D. Saturday, but still a question we feel equal to answering.

To get a better understanding of exactly what makes ‘a good weekend’, we coaxed two of our software developers into a sealed lab and locked the door.

Inside the lab we supplied the essentials for a good weekend: 2 Bon Jovi CDs, a disco ball, a small gas bbq, and 3 metric tons of beer [3].

For 48 gruelling hours we observed our test subjects via closed-circuit tv, and we were shocked, amazed, and not a little sickened by their rapid descent into barbarism. For one thing, it turned out that they both really liked Bon Jovi…

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If our research across those two terrible days taught us anything, it was that ‘a good weekend’ apparently means getting horribly drunk, slow-shuffling to ‘Living On A Prayer’, telling someone you barely know that, ‘no, no, no, I really really love you, you know?’, losing control of your bladder while still fully clothed, and getting into a grudge fight using bbq utensils before eventually passing out.

If this is the yardstick by which all good weekends should be measured, then I think it’s safe to say that our weekend was ‘Okay’.

Sure, there was no Bon Jovi. Yes, there was no BBQ or knife fights, and sadly no-one passed out from alcohol related poisoning, however:

• There was a nice drive down to the seaside
• There was a chance to help out a friend
• There were some rewarding bits and pieces to do around the house
• And best of all, there was a chance to have a nice nap on Sunday afternoon

What could be better than that? [4]

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We hope you’ve enjoyed our first installment of “Ask VoodooLogic Anything”.

If you have questions you’d like to see answered by the VoodooLogic team, please feel free to post them in the comments below. If Murray @ Midnight gets off his ass sometime soon, we might even have a form you can use specifically for posing the great questions of our age. We cannot, however, promise to provide any great answers.

Until next time — or at least until we have coaxed our software developers out of the lab, since currently they’re demanding we send in more beer and a third Bon Jovi CD — Happy Voodoonosity!

The Ask VoodooLogic Anything Team