Okay, quick question before we begin: have you ever heard of Stephen Fry?
If you answered, "Yes, Mister Midnight!", then your name will be crossed off the list of people due to be sent to the ‘Voodoologic Re-education Centres’ [1] we here at the High Command intend to establish, once we have been popularly elected as leaders of the world, after we have identified and liquidated [2] anyone more popular than we are [3].
If, on the other hand, you answered, "Who’s Stephen Fry?", then please pack a small overnight bag and place it at your front door, ready for when the black van pulls into your driveway. You honestly won’t need more than one or two changes of clothes, since these will be incinerated as well.
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I’ve been re-listening to Stephen Fry’s Podgrams, and re-discovering my delight at sharing in the thoughts and ramblings of an incredibly funny and an immensely eloquent man.
It has become obvious to me that there is an urgent need to enshrine Stephen in gold, such that future generations will be able to look upon him and venerate his wisdom and humility and humour, and to also wonder why we brought his gentle, wonderful wit to an untimely end by pouring molten gold on him. To these future generations I say: good question. I’ve looked through my notes and for some reason I can’t find where I scribbled down why this was such a good plan, but I do remember that it was complete with a diagram of the gold-pouring device. I’ll have to get back to you later on that one, future generations.
For the current generation, if you haven’t done yourself the service of becoming acquainted with Stephen Fry’s Podgrams, can I please suggest you do so without delay?
If for no other reason, he just might help you fall in love with the English language again.
Linkage:
| 1. | Happiness Through Agony! |
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| 2. | Probably actually using liquids, since I think we can agree that it’s both cruel and unusual to bury someone up to their neck in a desert during a ‘liquidation’. Much more humane to drown them in custard or perhaps even slightly warm porridge. |
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| 3. | This, sadly, will include Stephen Fry, who is obviously absurdly, though also deservedly, very popular. |
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At first I misread the header as “Stephen Fry’s Pogroms” and thought ‘Why Stephen why?…then I thought about for a minute and realised that I must have misread it as Stephen Fry just couldn’t be that evil, well not evil enough to carry out a pogrom. So then I thought that maybe there were some pogoms organised against Stephen Frys and I thought ‘Why Stephens? Why?’.
Then I read the article and realised that I HAD misread the header and it was actually about Midnight’s ‘Stephen Fry’ Pogroms.
Stark Raving was that a serious attempt at trying to make my head explode, because it damn near succeeded.