I admit it. I’m an early adopter when it comes to gadgets. I’m ashamed. I need help.

As soon as some gizmo hits the store I develop a hunger to possess it and have over the years developed an expertise in forming some pretty convincing internal arguments as to why I need it… need it now. Now. Now. Now. Now-now-nonwowonowonowonow. Now.

Of course sometimes early adoption hasn’t worked out so well… like the Brother electronic typewriter that had a little single character window that would spell check as I typed… and then I’d have to go back and use liquid paper… which in itself is a great idea rapidly passing its use by date. I miss presenting documents that had a very distinct tactile surface finish to it. Documents these days are just too… smooth. Thank Grod for my typos eh?

To be fair - I have had some very close calls however by not adopting. Just this year I resisted buying into the HD player battle that was up until last month being slugged out between HD and Blueray formats… which was kinda lucky for me as I was very much leaning away from Blueray for no other reason that it came packaged as a video game console which in my mind meant it was probably ‘D’ for dodgy… and now that Blueray is the outright victor, I now find myself leaning towards PS3 over the standalone units for no other reason than it has been packaged as a video game console. Oh and it kinda looks cool. And has ‘Blue’ and ‘Ray’ in its name… like a ’70’s sci-fi porno but not.

But it’s not just me – it’s generational.
My dad was and is an early adopter.

Like it was just yesterday, I remember how proud he was to be one of the few owners of a video cassette player (and later recorder) in our entire suburban neighbourhood. In fact years before all the other households had one, we had even amassed an impressive library. And then the format wars finished and we discovered that owning a Betamax was not so flash. To this day Dad still gets worked up over the war. Everyone held the firm opinion that this format was far superior to VHS. And yet everyone purchased VHS. I try to explain it to Dad in the context of why people choose to watch Fox News over the BBC World channel. He understands but he is full of hate.

Dad was forced into disbanding his beloved library but of course everywhere he turned to give away his carefully selected boxes of Betamax videotapes, he was waved off. He discovered that our neighbours had all purchased VHS (possibly cause it was nicely packaged with a funky remote control) and couldn’t possibly take any of his suspect tapes off his hands. No doubt Dad felt betrayed and humiliated. For some time afterwards he couldn’t help himself - people would ask how his day was and he’d declare to startled shop attendants and the occasional parking motorists that he had loved and lost his dear Beta and he was not ashamed. But he was. My folks got divorced not long after this… nothing to do with the format wars but rather about a misunderstanding involving a new fangled appliance called a Microwave. We don’t speak of this at family dinners. Or the Beta thing.

Dad has developed a pretty impressive take on the notion of format wars. He kinda sees it as a circle of life thing… but bloody and too terrible to participate in anymore. He loved the idea of the old gramaphone records which were replaced by the reel to reel tape machines. But then vinyl LP records step in only to be replaced by cassettes. Which of course were in turn replaced by compact discs. It was a battle of round things and tape. Much like life Dad would mutter when my mother was out shopping.

The thing is, Dad would mutter to a backing soundtrack of the ‘Kingston Trio’ - compact discs are slowly being replaced byte by byte by digital downloads. Which is an unexpected and unwelcomed development - according to Dad this is not how the circle of life with the disc and tape thing and back again is meant to unfold… he blames this cyclic break on digital audio tape (DAT) for prematurely clouding the issue. And global warming (he’s eager to declare his green credentials with the ladies down at the scrabble hall). Personally I try not to take a position on this and instead nod in agreement in my best ‘crikey’ your very sage like Pa’ pose.

He also makes a good point that with the death of both tape and round things - it is also the death of the album, and certainly the concept album in preference for the single hit track and an ‘album’ of B and C filler placed around this single track. He blames MTV… for most things… but he likes watching the girls dance. Who doesn’t.

Look I think if Dad was honest with himself, and sure he’s still a little bitter even now, he’d wished for all of his worlds not to have early adopted but it was the greed is good ’80s’s and he did and that’s life. The circle of life.

Not having learnt from this, as soon as I heard of MP3 players, I raced out and purchased an iPod.

This sucker has 80GB of memory. Oh Mumma! It was the Grodzilla of MP3’s - in fact it was closer to carting about a portable hard drive that I plug earphones into occasionally than ‘just’ a music thingy.

In fact part of my rationale in purchasing this was that I figured that with 80gig on board, I’d never have to listen to another song again (which for some reason was an important consideration at the time) but of course in practice I still often find myself listening to the same handful of albums and tracks over and over again… or the car radio. Sometimes you really can have too much choice. Really.

Cue Murray @ Midnight. He has recently purchased a much more current iPod. Clearly he paced himself and adopted with extreme prejudice, as is his no good stinking ways, and what’s worse – his sexy little beast plays video. He taunts me. I ask him no to. Sometimes he stops.

His iPod is newer and cooler. Sometimes I fantasy about poking him in the eye with a pencil. Sometimes. But I don’t.

We meet for lunch and he regales me with grand stories of watching video programs at the drop of a hat. As well as on the commuter train, at work, across lunch, on the couch in front of his television. He likes to watch and he now has the means to indulge in his foul visual habits and I’m left in wonder. I wonder if has any erotica on his player and if he did, would people on the train object.

Suddenly my hefty brick-like gizmo, despite years of faithful indentured service, just doesn’t seem to be so sexy and cool anymore. I wanna trade the old thing in for something newer and more exiting. I make a note to myself never to say this out loud again during a sales meeting. HR want to see me again.

Sure Midnight’s unit doesn’t come close to having the same memory capacity as mine. But it runs video… and I must have one. For the love of Grod - video doncha’ see? Video!

Sure - even though I don’t commute and have little opportunity, or real desire to actual watch videos on it – I want one anyway. But I stop myself. Not because I’m concerned about format issues but rather the price. Its so horribly overpriced it scars me.. deep weeping scars. I’m not allowed into JB HiFi anymore without the Manager escorting me back out. He is always careful not to touch my scars directly. He sees a lot of this around the Apple display. It is horrible. So many dollars.

Trawling through my memory banks, these new units seemed to be priced much much higher than when I bought mine… this doesn’t seem right and I have an issue with this.

Sure as an early adopter you expect to pay a premium for fresh to market stuff but you don’t expect to pay top shelf prices when the technology/product/service has well and truly matured. Like iPods. I mean seriously you can now pick up a DVD player at the supermarket for around $50 when the same unit would have costed a $1000 plus a couple of years back. But iPods are the same if not more? Huh?

I don’t get it.
The video iPod is a couple of hundred dollars more than when I bought mine a couple of years ago. Yet mine has more features (sure, other than video, a thinner package and shiny shiny finish). Look, I was under the impression that once technology is mass produced on a global scale that the individual unit price should actually drop. Even with the occasional trendy cosmetic finish applied. Price drop for non-early adopters. Its the way of the world surely.

My Dad says everything is about formats and he hates formats almost as much as hats.

I suspect something is not right here.

Its enough to hold in check my hankering for this gizmo.
Stone graveyard cold I am on this iPod caper now. If truth be told, this entire Apple Mac premium rates thing in return for funkiness being granted kinda pisses me off. Even with their way-cooler than cool ads.

So with the iPod urge contained and only slightly bubbling, I turn my focus to my mobile/cell phone.

Every year or two I replace it with a renewed contract and this time is fast approaching. To be frank I only ever place and take voice calls and voicemail… that’s it. No camerawork, no texting, no video calls, nada. I don’t need a phone with Bluetooth and all the bells and whistles that’ll apparently make my life complete. And yet I know I’ll gravitate to the newest you-beaut model available. Just in case.

Of course I rationalise that I’m doing this not so much for me but rather for my partner the Madd Wrabbitt. ‘Cause when I replace my perfectly working phone with a newer more cutting edge phone, it is she who is blessed with my technological hand-me-downs. This charitable angle helps me better rationalise the early adoption process a little better.

And of course to muddy the waters – yesterday her Maddness made it known in no uncertain terms that as she is a fair dinkum techno-geek rather than just a filthy early adopter, she should by rights get the current technology phone. It’s an unexpected problem. She sometimes scares me with implied violence or implied sexual advances but at least I’m not bothered by passing formats or bullsh*t priced up Mac repackaging.

Yup. It is a good thing I’m broke really. And being fearful of your partner is kinda healthy… she tells me. Firmly.

So, I have decided not to be an early adopter anymore. Instead, I’m instead going to pace myself, make careful and needs-based purchasing considerations, and resist the siren calls of gizmos and gadgetry. And that is why this weekend - I did NOT purchase a Blueray, a new funkadelic phone, and a video iPod.

I must confess however that I was briefly tempted by a funky electronic stapler and a coat hanger that makes Yoda-like declarations about your forthcoming day – but I resisted.

Instead I’m going to become a re-inventor. Take gadgets and give them new purpose and meaning. A technological re-birther but without the messy stuff.

And to kick off this new enlightened life approach, much like Ralph from The Simpson, I’ll now only listen to my iPod with earbuds firmly stuffed up my nostrils… hmmmm but if I am to do this they really should be good quality Bose earbuds with the flashy doodads that I saw being advertised for market release later this year…

Yup. I need, I want, and I really gotta get me some Nosebling.