I’ve been pondering chocolate.

Easter is fast approaching and I’m being overwhelmed by all the chocolate offerings being thrust at me. From supermarkets to specialist stores like Darrell Lee to just random Big Bunny dudes with cute little Alice-in-Wonderland looking chaperones stalking me in shopping malls/centres. Alice always has a glassy vacant look and the Rabbit always seems like he’s on some kinda acid trip… or maybe that’s just me during a Saturday morning shop. ….hmmmm now I think about it… it’s just not Easter that I see Alice and her legion of top hat rabbits….

Anyhoo - look, ok, look, ok - I could bang on about the commercialization of Easter yaddayadda yad-da but others I’m sure will do that and so sod it, if it means I get a four day weekend in April - I’ll happily plough through huge display mountains of eggs and rabbits from January to May and not gripe… or slow down and stop.

The thing is - Easter is really the festival of chocolate. It’s possible that when the big fella rolled that big arse rock away from the cave entrance - the first ever Easter egg hunt had begun. I bet the big fella was famished and no doubt had a real hankering for some chocolate. And if possible in the form of nummy eggs (’cause eggs can be nice first up) or bunnies… ’cause that’s what they like to eat back then when hamburger was yet to be invented. Bunnies….hmmm cute, iconic, and nummy.

In fact, back in those olden days … it was just milk chocolate on offer pure and simple. Now it’s white, dark and now things have got way outta hand and chocmakers are throwing all sorts of bizzare stuff into the pot - chilli flavoured for crying out loud. That’s just wrong.

And it’s not just what type of choc but what ‘class’ that is on display. Apparently the Swiss with Lindt and the like do the ‘best’ choc but to me Cadbury makes the choc you actually want to eat and those budget brands that you’ve never heard of before like ‘Maggie May World of Chocorama’ make the choc that… well you palm that crap off to your kids or workmates as little thought-gifts and bribes…. and treats in return for dexterity tricks involving staplers.

But is there really a difference? A noticeable difference in choc quality? Does it matter where it’s come from.. no not the supermarket, I mean the nation… the choco-heritage per sa.

Sure - after consuming American made choc (Hershey consistently sucks…but not in a remotely good way) with it’s strange grittiness and distinct lack of coca (which I thought was the chocolate so there you go) there is no doubt in my mind that Australian choc is without question better than American choc… but what about the Swiss, and the Belgium’s, and even the English.

Well ok - the English choc that looks like an orange with wedges advertised by the bigger lady from French and Saunders - sure that’s not bad. Odd. But not bad. And is it Whitmans that is meant to be English? Don’t know. I’m going to reserve judgement with English choc - so over to the continent. Belgium’s apparently invented hot chips and as far as I’m concerned that was a cuisines winner in any language and I’m willing to give them the nod in regards to choc based off the chips-innovation if nothing else.

The Swiss. I guess. I mean - it’s their thing isn’t it? Banks, clocks/watches and chocolate. Like a pavlova or a meat pie with peas or a cheese and vegemite grill is Australian. You’d wanna be good if that one of three things you do… as advertised.

Alright - well based on that I’m gonna give this to the Swiss in terms of making an impression on others and the Swiss nations unerring commitment to national stereotyping but personally I’m going to stick with the best chocolate in the world for overall sensory enjoyment - Cadbury. In fact there’s nothing I personally like better at Easter than melting down a fistfull of Cadbury Easter eggs into a rich thickfondue like concoction and then lathering it all over my nads. Thanks J.C. - nice one.