Apparently these are the new hot things to have - “Emotibiles”. They are ’strangely expressive’… I dunno. They seem kinda creepy to me.. having little faces caught forever in a sudden wind change hanging off your earphone buds. I can’t think of anything worse than having one of the many creepy faces on offer staring unblinking back at me every time I look at my monitor. Or dangling around someone’s wrist like a Sino-cannibal booty trinket. Emotibiles that emoted and now sadly serve as a dire warning to others.

These charm bracelets, emotibles aside, are one of the strangest things to spend money on and then wear. Sterling silver tacky. And should only be allowed to be worn by young girls under the age of 15. And then handed in when a driver’s licence is successfully applied for or a steady boyfriend has been confirmed and validated by more than two non-bestfriendsforever members.

The post-it, or stick notes, ok ok I could possibly live with. It might be passing ‘fun’ to select different notes made out to myself, or to others, that indicate a specific tone or general disposition felt at the time by one of these little emotibile characters…but really… does anyone really care… on reflection I don’t even care and their my emotibiles that I am trying to express here people… let’s face it I probably couldn’t be bothered so let’s scratch the post-it notes.

Look - this whole emotibile thing is just plain creepy. I’ve never liked them in emails or in phone text messages and I’m certainly not going to extend this into a fashion statement. Seriously - the next step will be for people to walk about with a little LED sign on thick necklaces hanging around their necks forewarning all that approach the person’s current emotional mind state. Isn’t it enough that many of us had to contend with the first vintage emotibile - Flavor Flav from the world changing hiphop outfit “Public Enemy”.

Taking a leaf from Flavor Flav aka Chuck D – by actively resisting this ‘emotible’ scrouge by stepping outside with purpose and righteous indignation and loudly chant ‘Fight the Power’ and ‘911 is a joke..except in Aussie where its 000 and you shouldn’t actually joke with it ’cause it’s for serious emergency stuff dude’.

While you chant to passing commuters and weary neighbours, try to make this spontaneous public display of action really special by chanting in a classy and highly memorable Gregorian style. Remember to pace your breathing, shoulders back proudly, and keep your focus. Every minute you’re out there your doing some good and something will defiantly happen to you. Possibly again and again until a change has been effected.

As an aside - I bet Chuck D got real sick real quick of people asking him for the time. And I can’t help but wonder if he at some point during his career toy with the idea of going digital…

The time is now people! From now on – it is requested politely that all Voodoonists give anyone wearing an ‘emotible’ accessory a firm slap whack across the back of the head, or if you aren’t too keen on overt physical action…or just find it really distasteful touching someone else’s head of hair, then feel free and empowered to tip a beverage of your choice into the filthy emotible wearer’s lap. Stand back after the deed and point a finger accusingly in their face and declare in a very loud voice (try on an accent if your up to it) and declare “You are stupidly-stupid stupid - emotibles are not a substitute for real emotions… stop it now and feel for real!”. Click a finger in their face to punctuate your claim, turn on your heel, take a bow and then flee while laughing hysterically.

I’d like Murray @ Midnight to step forward and set an inspiring example to the rest of the Voodoo community by being the first of many to take an emotibile stand of defiance. We look forward to posting the dramatic photographs of the action unfolding. Stay-tuned.