How long have we known each other? No, really… is it 25 years? 27? In fact, we first met back in grade 4, so we’re actually talking 30 or 31 years by now. That’s how long we’ve known each other.

And in all that time, in aaaall those 30 or 31 years, have I ever felt like you wouldn’t trade me to professional organ harvesters just because it would be mildly amusing to see the look on my face when they turned up with the buckets of ice to keep my organs fresh?

No, aha ahahaha, I have never felt that way [1].

So, does it come as any sort of surprise or shock that you’ve subscribed a mate’s work email address to people running a Nigerian / 419 Scam? No, it only surprises me that you didn’t drive them from the airport to his place and tell them which room he and the Mrs were sleeping in, before creeping away and chuckling about how, “Wow, won’t they be surprised when they get woken up and taped and bound and smuggled in a shipping container to Liberia! Heh heh heh!”

So, I have this theory that you knew it was technically (and not so technically) a Bastard Act to do this to your poor mate Dave, and I only hope you have the decency to explain to his future widow that it was only meant to be a joke and who knew he was going to fly to fucking Nigeria because he thought the offer was real?

Don’t do it again or we’ll have your remaining fingers broken.

Murray @ Midnight