I’ve joined the masses of New year resolution people intent on extending their life a tad longer by having money debited from account fortnightly so that I can have a almost pristine gym membership swing tag hanging off my key ring. Although I have been semi-regularly fronting up to the gym in the evenings, earlier this week I elected to go early before work with terrible results.

After a robust workout on the treadmill while watching fit looking girls with erect nipples prance about in music videos that all seem to have had some contribution made by a fellow called Timbaland - I showered, arrived at the office, and proceeded to sweat profusely for a full two hours at my desk.

Dear lord I smelt bad and my shirt and hair was soaked. Thankfully I sit in a corner of a long office space, far away from other people with only the photocopier for company. I ate a tin of smoked oily tuna for morning tea and it smelt better than me. Mental note - don’t do it in the morning. Ever. In fact I advocate doing nothing period in the morning. Wonder how I get this new schedule approach past the boss?