It’s a macabre image. I’m sitting in The Fish Kitchen in Annerley, waiting for my takeaway order to be cooked. I’m looking out through one of their windows - the glass is frosted, but there are clear patches in the shape of fish emblems in each window through which you can see the outside world. Across the busy back-and-forth traffic along Annerley Rd I can see the stark white headstones of a cemetery.

I’m thinking about fish and death and pizza.

***

Yesterday morning I woke with the impression that I knew pretty much everything there was to know about pizza.

I was, for example, aware of the thin and crispy base. I was equally familiar with the deep pan pizza. I was on nodding terms with the cheese stuffed crust, and was coming to grips with the controversial multi-layered base [1].

All of these things I knew about pizza - and yet, none of it prepared me for the most recent horrible invention from the evil minds at Pizza Hut.

The Cheesy Bites Pizza!

***

Behind me, a woman is at the counter of The Fish Kitchen. She’s arguing with the man who took my order over how long she’s had to wait. The man is nodding and apologising and explaining, but he looks like he’d rather be somewhere else.

***

It’s funny. Some industries seem to thrive on pointless innovation.

How complicated does my toothbrush really need to be? How many blades do I need on a razor before I can convince myself that I’ve been shaved? How long will it be before some genius realises that what we’ve always needed is a combination toothbrush razor blade, so we can shave while we exercise dental hygiene. Yes, it might get ugly if we forget which attachment does what, but that’s a small price to pay for being free from the tyranny of wasting precious bathroom moments by performing these tasks separately.

***

The people across the road are not worried about their toothbrushes or their razor blades anymore. They have no bathroom moments to waste. They sleep the sleep of those who won’t be ordering pizza any time soon [2].

***

‘Order for Murray,’ the man says. I take my ticket to the counter and he gives me my order, neatly wrapped in paper parcels. The woman is still waiting, and she looks like she’s going to complain again. I briefly consider letting the man know that I don’t feel like he kept me waiting too long, but he still looks like he’d like to be somewhere else, so I let it go.

***

We’re dead a long time. I don’t need a complicated toothbrush. And, honestly, there are only so many things you can do to a pizza before I stop taking you seriously.

The fish smells delicious, and I know I’m going to enjoy eating it.