Star Wars Burlesque – oh yeah!
Published by November 24th, 2011 in Mining The Culture Void. 0 Comments
An Adventure In The Castle Of Despair, Part 4
Published by November 23rd, 2011 in The Secret Life Of Murray and Wisdom City. 0 CommentsIf you haven’t already, you might like to read An Adventure In The Castle Of Despair, Part 3 first.
Editor’s note: This is an ongoing story, and sometimes I will probably change my mind about something that has already been posted.
In Part 3, I introduced Trevor Deathpriest and Lorenzo Deathpriest. By the time I started writing Part 4, I had decided to rename them to Darren Deathpriest and Murray Deathpriest for nefarious purposes of my own. Hope that doesn’t annoy anyone too much.
***
“What,” asked Darren Deathpriest, against his better judgement, “do you mean by painful? Do you mean like a stinging pain, or is it more like a throbbing pain?”
“Well,” said Murray Deathpriest, reflecting for a moment, “sometimes it’s the stinging type of pain, right, but sometimes it’s definitely more of a throbbing pain. It kind of depends on the, er, ‘situation’, if you get my meaning.”
Darren Deathpriest rocked back on his heels and stared up into the shadows that lurked around the ceiling of the Castle’s main foyer. Birds and bats and Grod knew what else lived a simple existence up in those lofty heights, and not for the first time Darren Deathpriest found himself wishing he was a simple bird with simple bird needs who didn’t have to spend 9 hours a day listening to his colleague’s disturbing medical problems. “Well,” he said, taking out one of his Ritual Disembowelling Spoons and beginning to give it a polish, “I’d definitely have that looked at, if I were you. Doesn’t sound normal, stinging and throbbing. Not normal at all.”
“I know, I know,” said Murray Deathpriest with a worried expression. “It’s hell when you’re in the middle of torturing someone and you’re up to your elbows in gizzards and blood, and you know you’re not doing a decent job of it because of the mild to medium discomfort. But it’s not the kind of thing you want to go into your Doctor’s office about and just say, ‘Pardon me, Doc, would you be so kind as to take a look at this?’ I mean, what if he… what if he said, ‘Ewwwww,’ or something?”
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I’d like to watch a television show called The Murray Files, where Murray investigates the paranormal and alien abductions and why people watch Jersey Shore and Celebrity Apprentice and inexplicable things like that. He will be assisted by an attractive intellectual female type person and there will be sexual chemistry despite what the restraining orders imply.
Meanwhile, back on Planet Earth…
Okay. Midnight”s mum – don’t click this video. It’s harmless ’cause it’s Lego. And everyone needs a little Lego for Valentines Day… or days ending with Day.
Thanks to my old mate Thomas who always seems to find this sorta stuff… while holding down a high pressure day job.
An Adventure In The Castle Of Despair, Part 3
Published by November 9th, 2011 in The Secret Life Of Murray and Wisdom City. 1 CommentIf you haven’t read it already, you might like to read An Adventure In The Castle Of Despair, Part 2
The band of Adventurers were nonplussed.
“I’m kind of used to riddles being inscribed above the magic doors of castles and caves and whatnot,” said Borgus to the others. “Usually, you solve the riddle and the door just… opens.”
“Oh right, yeah yeah,” said Flargflarg, “like that one where you had to say the Half Orc word for ’platonic relationship’ before it would open.”
“Exactly,” said the Mage, scratching at his carefully groomed beard.
“Only,” continued Flargflarg, “the Half Orcs don’t actually have a word for platonic relationship, so you had to know to use the word for ’enemy I ate with a small amount of regret.’”
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Every time I come to Tassie I’m reminded of the fact that Tasmanians have stolen the most beautiful State from the rest of Australia and it’s time we demanded it back.
I’m sitting on the back deck of a house in West Hobart, looking out across the city to the Derwent River. This view is picture-postcard pretty. No, scratch that, this is better than a postcard, because it moves and changes as the afternoon progresses, which postcards don’t do until you get halfway into a bottle of tequila and that’s usually when the uncontrolled sobbing starts.
I love the rhythm and pace of Hobart. It’s kinda like everyone down here is on the really amazing antidepressants that you have to buy under the counter from veterinarians elsewhere in Australia [1]. I love the sense of history and the feeling that if you walk down this particular alley you are much more likely to discover a hidden cafe, rather than being mugged and left in a coma.
Also, more bad news if you live anywhere else, everything down here tastes better. In fact, the food in Tasmania is so good, it’s worth a separate visit on its own — which I think is sort of a deliberate ploy on behalf of Tasmanian Tourism, curse them for their foodie cleverness.
All-in-all, this place is frustratingly pretty and aggravatingly relaxing and I can’t think of anywhere else in the world that I’d rather be sitting right at this moment. I think I’ll have another beer and be pleasantly annoyed some more…
| 1. | The ones they usually only give to hamsters that are suffering from crushing self doubt. |
| Return |
An Adventure In The Castle Of Despair, Part 2
Published by October 26th, 2011 in The Secret Life Of Murray and Wisdom City. 0 CommentsIf you haven’t read it already, you might like to start at An Adventure In The Castle Of Despair, Part 1
48 games of rock, paper, scissors, sorcery, political assassination later (it’s hard to beat political assassination) and Gort stepped out onto the causeway. Had the band of adventurers chosen to use commonsense instead of bickering for 20 minutes over the rules of the game, they probably would have opted for sending the slender, diminutive half-Elf across first anyway, if for no better reason than he weighed about a 3rd of the next lightest miscellaneous adventurer in the group.
Additionally, Gort was simply too pleasantly optimistic to be worried by the obvious trap that the causeway represented. If it had occurred to him that he might at any moment be about to tumble screaming to his death, it appeared he was rather looking forward to it and it would be a cheerful sort of scream.
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An Adventure In The Castle Of Despair, Part 1
Published by October 23rd, 2011 in The Secret Life Of Murray and Wisdom City. 0 CommentsNurl looked up from his worn copy of Snard’s Guide To Evil Architecture with a thoughtful expression on his pointlessly handsome face.
“Anything?” asked Borgus Rennan, 13th Level Mage, who had dismounted from his mighty steed and had spent the last 20 minutes tinkering with its throttle.
“Nothing much,” said Nurl. “It’s apparently a Level 9 castle, no-one knows who built it or why. Or when. Or out of what. And it’s been called The Castle Of Despair for as long as anyone can remember.”
“Huh,” said Gort the half-Elf, leaning forward on the handlebars of his scooter. “It’s hardly a castle of despair. It’s more like a fortification of despair. People will call anything a castle these days.”
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Sound Of Voodoo